Dealing with autism now that I am a teenager is quite different from when I was a child. Maybe that is because, in some instances, I can already identify some of the emotions that once bothered me. I have an impression of what I am dealing with, and somehow I understand the risk of my psychological condition. That being said, there is something I know I can and still can’t do. That is why there are specific people who guide and support me through the life challenges caused by autism. That is none other than my family.
Walking Through The Experience
At times, I can stay calm. I can have a proper conversation with people around me, especially when I am taking my medications. I can pretty much interact with my friends and family like an average individual. I can understand a couple of jokes, and I can ride with it. I can make some jokes myself too. However, things escalate when I sense triggers. Every time something catches my attention, I lose all the focus. I become more drawn to things that are not supposed to be a big deal. These include flashing lights, unexpected noise, and unusual items. It is pretty much stuff like that. I get too excited and extremely overwhelmed about everything that surrounds me.
Whenever I am having some trigger issues, my family keeps on talking to me. My family tries their best to get my attention so that I can manage to stay in line with my emotions and actions. But there are times that they leave me alone. Perhaps that is because some of my triggers are not that alarming at some point. My family ensures that I listen to them attentively so that I can avoid further emotional turmoil. Honestly, I know it is not easy for them to control their emotions as well. But when I am having a difficult time understanding myself, they try not to cause any additional damage to the situation.
The Unexpected Turn Of Events
Teenage autism can get out of hand sometimes. When I sense the change in my emotional pattern, I feel the agitation rising quickly. That explains why when I can’t seem to control myself, I start fidgeting, thumping my feet, shaking my hands, and continually changing my facial expression. In some unfortunate instances, when I am experiencing a total loss of physical control over my body, I start to bump my head and eventually hurt myself.
When I reached the point where I no longer want to listen to anyone, it becomes a real problem. It is like I can become a different person in just a few seconds. There are too many emotions that I cannot contain anymore. And sometimes, it becomes entirely difficult to be in charge of my behaviors. I always scream, cry, and throw tantrums like a 6-year-old kid who wants to have candies. I can’t breathe, and all I think about is the changing patterns I don’t want to experience. I get angry over nothing. There are instances that when my family tries to comfort me, I tend to react more viciously.
I know it is hard for my family to see me in that specific situation. And as much I don’t want them to worry about it, there is pretty much nothing I can do to stop. My parents and my siblings often tell me that things are going to be okay. But I can’t seem to convince myself that what they are saying is true. I wouldn’t say I like it when I am at my worst and having a meltdown because I seem to be a different person. To top it off, I hate it most because it makes me unintentionally hurt my loved ones.
Things I Am Thankful For
It is not always that I do not listen to what my family tells me every time I am having a meltdown. But I won’t lie. It hurts me to see them trying so hard not to show their exhaustion and frustrations towards the things I do. Usually, when they try and help me get through my emotional dilemma, I feel bad for them. They do not deserve to experience my uncontrollable mood swings. But regardless of my condition, my family always ensures that I get to be comfortable with myself. They always find time to encourage me to take a deep breath, and often, that somehow resolves my emotional stress. Though I know, my meltdown will soon start to repeat itself after a couple of hours.
I am just so thankful for my family’s support, patience, and unconditional love. Without those things, I might probably look at life the other way around. So, for the well-being of my family, I will continue to try my best to manage my mental situation in the best way possible.